David Carty's Homepage

David Ortiz is an American citizen, proving that 279 career home runs make you king of one nation, but a U.S. citizenship is worth so much more. It seems like such a simple thing, to be a U.S. citizen, but citizenship has to be earned...well, unless you were born here.

My colleague here at the Globe (note how I wrote colleague, though I've never met her personally) Yvonne Abraham wrote about her experiences with citizenship a few months ago, but other than the high profile candidates (see: #34), it's a rite of passage for so many to-be-Americans that is largely forgotten about and overlooked.

I feel like dis-citizenship should be equally as much a rite of passage for our nation. First up on my docket, Elijah Dukes, Pacman Jones, Paris Hilton, and Mike Tyson (just don't tell him I said so). Some people just don't deserve to have any freedoms whatsoever. Hell, all of these people have been arrested at least once. They gave up their right to be considered fully mentally-functional human beings long ago.
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A couple interesting articles from the New York Times today. One is a story about a family who basically had a giant scavanger hunt installed in their house. Excellent job by Penelope Green. Not only is this basically every kid's dream, but there's a nice touch of sentimentality there. The prize wasn't hidden treasure; it was a father's love...or whatever you want to say to make you throw up a little bit. I thought it was nice.

And another story that bewilders me to some degree. According to science (which can prove or disprove any theory in the known world), heterosexual women are more attracted to nude women than nude men.

I knew it! Actually, there are a few things that I find puzzling - and fucking hilarious - about this piece. Doesn't this seem like a bit of a sleazy operation? Was this conducted in the backseat of someone's dirty minivan or a one-bedroom apartment downtown? If it were conducted in some kind of labratory, I'd be shocked if any arousal whatsoever took place. I'm just curious to see how these test were conducted. I know they used a photoplethysmograph, which measures heart rate, respiration, and whatnot, but you'd think there would be more to this test. Either way, it just kind of reeks of creepyness. That being said, I'm glad there is being studies devoted to such an important topic, as opposed to stupid stem cell research or leukimia or something lame like that.
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Tim Donaghy keeps talking and now the game that everyone thought was rigged is back in our attention. While maybe not as offensive as the boy-band stylings featured by Scot Pollard and Hedo Turkoglu, this certainly poses at least as equal a threat as the hair fiasco of the late 90's/early 2000's.

The NBA has already lost a ton of credibility over this whole Donaghy thing. Each foul call is disputable 90% of the time, so when you throw a monkey-wrench into the situation, it turns the sport upside down. Now every official is under fire. How does this impact the way we view a sport struggling with credibility issues as it is? The NBA received an A in diversity, but fans still aren't relating to the big salaries and questionable decisions of some of the world's best basketballers. Luckily, the NBA got their dream matchup...but even THAT makes you think. If the NBA imposed their will in 2002, as Donaghy suggested, who's to say they didn't do it again in these playoffs? If this was an organic NBA finals matchup, it sure worked out pretty well for the NBA...makes you think.
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Yin and yang.

Trevor Linden (check out those Canucks threads on draft night), one of professional sports' all-time great guys in calling it quits.

While Milton Bradley, cleansed of his hunger for umpires, has advanced to menacing broadcasters. He really must've heard too many Parker brothers jokes as a kid...
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Wikipedia Randoms

Another soccer player. So far, this isn't quite as random as I thought it's be. Today, Suriya Domtaisong gets the call. He's on the Thailand national team as a striker. He also plays for Bangkok University. Come on, we all know at least one kid from high school who applied there as a joke. I hope it wasn't their only option.

I have been awful when it comes to updating this thing, so if anybody checks this awful attempt at a blog. But, as a way to try to keep this updated as frequently as possible, I'm introducing a semi-regular-let's-hope-I-keep-doing-this-segment called Scatterbrained, with random observations or thoughts around the world. Yes, it will revolve mainly around sports, but I'll also try to throw in some real world applications and things like that. Anyway, here's to good intentions...or, since it's a blog, perhaps bad intentions.
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In his first appearence back, John Smoltz blew a save and blew out his shoulder. He had tried to switch to a 3/4 motion to ease the pain of throwing. He also says that he plans to return in 2009.

There's a lot of absurdity in the above. A 41 year old pitcher thought it was a good idea to change the pitching motion that give him 200 wins, 150 saves, and 3,000 strikeouts to ease the pain in his throwing shoulder and, on top of that, he thinks he's going to return next season and be of some value to the Braves? Prove me wrong John...
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Barack Obama announced victory last night, Hillary Clinton announced...nothing, and Bubba Clinton announced party at his house. Hillary's "committed to uniting [the democratic] party" by, apparently, refusing to accept reality for a little while longer. Obviously, she can't continue to swallow the blue pill. I mean, doesn't this thing seem a little ridiculous? It's kind of like a Royals/Rangers game in September. Get riled up all you want, it's still a futile exercise.

Then again, after 2000, who knows?
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It's been said elsewhere, but regardless of how much of a sportsfan you are, read Joe Posnanski's blog. Some of the best reading you'll see anywhere.
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The new incarnation of American Gladiators has been a guilty pleasure of mine, albeit one I'm slightly ashamed of. And when I'm not watching my future fiance trample the meek or contemplating Titan's braziere size, I'm deciding whether or not I like the contestant and root fiercely accordingly.

But this season, there are a few things that have thrown me off the bandwagon with the show. One being my complete inability to commit to watching any television program since 24 postponed it's 7th season (Hell's Kitchen was also another casualty. I miss Chef Ramsay's verbal slayings). I call it the 24 hangover and I'm still feeling the effects. The one thing that drives me crazy about Gladiators this season has nothing to do with Hulk Hogan's speech ineptitudes, but instead the manner with which they end the show.

Granted, Gladiators generally made some improvements to the Eliminator (such as putting a McDonald's ball pit at the bottom of the handbike to slow down would-be cheaters), but they made a crucial and cruel mistake at the end. Some geniouses decided it would be a grand idea to plunge the two competitors into the Gladitor ocean in their most physically taxed state. Sure, it wasn't enough that you had to face gorilla-sized humans in events where their objective is to destroy you, then talk to Mongoloid Hogan about how "awesome that was, brother, dude", but at the end of the grueling event when oxygen is about as valuable a commodity as a full tank of gas for an SUV, now you must swim. It's cruel and, while there are spotters to quickly grab said dying individual, it seems a little too dangerous and extreme for me, brother.
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The Penguins won game five of the Stanley Cup in three OTs and drew pretty good ratings in the process. Hopefully people will be watching tonight when Sid the Kid and company win game six at home and force a game seven at the Joe on Saturday.

A little presumptuous? Perhaps. We'll see.
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Can every writer in America please stop taking the "It's time to take the Rays seriously because nobody right now thinks they're for real" spin? I had them projected to finish above .500 and challenge the Yankees for the Wild Card. So far, the Yankees have only challenged themselves and the Rays have proven to be everything they could be and more. If there's anybody left that is NOT taking them seriously, they either know something we don't know or are an idiot.
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This Nick Kazcur story is just strange. Call him, agent #77. Spygate, HGH, general surlyness, and now drug use has been an offseason story on more than one occasion. No wonder the rest of country hate the Patriots.
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As Packers' running back Noah Warren and deceased Washington Redskins player Sean Taylor have illustrated, self-defense weaponry for NFL players is often of the strange variety. In this case, you can score it bedpost-1, machete-0.
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Pitch and Catch:

(Here, in the assumingly, regular segment, I'll talk about some notable pitching performances from the night before.)

- Joba Chamberlain (2.1 IP, 62-32 PC-ST, 4 BB, 3 Ks, ER) threw only about half of his pitches for strikes, but avoided a bases loaded jam (and the loss) as the Yanks were spanked 9-3. The jury's still out on this one. Sunday, he's up against Zack Greinke. What a tough way to open up your second life as a starter (Roy Halladay last night, Greinke on Sunday).

- Pedro Martinez (6 IP, 109 PC, 3 ER, 3 Ks) pitched surprisingly well and deep in his first start back from rehab against the Giants. A 109 pitch count seems a little high for my liking, but he spun some of his best breaking pitches at the end of his outing, fanning Brian Horowitz and Fred Lewis, and getting Travis Denker to ground out. If Pedey can become a good offspeed pitcher, maybe the guy does have some fuel in the tank.

- Randy Johnson (6.1 IP, 8 Ks, 3 ERs) passed Roger Clemens-McCready on the all-time strikeout list and is second only to the ol' Texan himself, Nolan Ryan, yet he somehow lost to Seth McClung (6 IP, ER, 4 Ks, 6 HA)?!?

Curiosities: Max Scherzer (1 IP, 3 ER, 3 HA) - time for a demotion?; Edwar Ramirez (0 IP, 17-3 PC-ST, 3 BB, 1 HA, 4 ER) - allergic to strikes?; Texas Rangers (7 ERs vs Cleveland, but managed a 12-7 win) - is the pitching that bad (cause the Tribe's hitting sure is)?; Zack Greinke (April: 3-0, 1.25. May: 2-2, 4.39. June: 0-1, 12.00.) - back down to earth?; R.A. Dickey (5.2 IP, 3 HA, 6 Ks, 0 ER) in relief of Erik Bedard (3.1 IP, 7 HA, 1 K, 4 ER) - choose the knuckler over the buckler?
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Wikipedia Randoms

Each week, I will go to the fabulous website that is Wikipedia or click the "Random article" page and we'll see what comes our way. If the topic is interesting, I'll dig a little deeper and try to reveal some more info about the person.

Today, it's Tina Wunderlich a german soccer defender. Lucky me, I happen to get a sports article! Too bad she wasn't a Swede or perhaps even a Russian (shut up, this isn't the cold war anymore, Joe McCarthy!), they have the natural good looks. But as it is, she's pretty legit. She recently signed on for a 16th season with FFC Frankfurt team of the UEFA (the longest serving member). She won three UEFA Cups (2002, 2006, and 2008) and six league titles with the team.

Good to see this little Wikipedia randoms experiment worked on the first try. I guarantee next time I'll get something miniscule and/or depressing, like David Faustino or Tiny Tim.

Til next time (hopefully sooner rather than later), keep Nick Kazcur away from your medicine cabinet.